[It's a warm spring rain, the kind that brought stifling humidity, so to be out in it - and not focused on running, on being dragged along to the fields by Mutsu - felt good. It wasn't cold, but it still felt cooler on his skin than the stagnant air in the citadel, and though he'd never openly admit to it, doing things that caused the others to fuss was one of his favorite passtimes. Call it schadenfreude, call it an unwillingness to fade into the background, call it whatever you want, because nothing really mattered at all in this moment.]
I... did? [He hadn't quite noticed, unused to doing it as he was.] Ah- but... we were worried... for nothing... weren't we?
[Or at least that was the pretense of getting up and running out through the rain. They both knew it was actually because Mutsu was restless and wanted an excuse.]
[But that was a spontaneous feeling, one that left with the sound and was unlikely to return just like that. He didn't doubt Mutsu could summon up that sort of happiness from inside himself, but Souza?
If only he could.]
I... don't know... It was all just...
[Everything, all at once, the silly, pointlessness of it all, the excitement on Mutsu's face, being soaked through, unrefined, with muddy feet and ankles and yukata hems. Still holding hands in the pouring rain.
It's not something he can just summon up.
At least he resists the impulse to apologize for it.]
( He tilts his head curiously to the side as he watches Souza fumble with his answer.
He was but.. He didn't know... it was just...
Gods, he wishes Souza would stop that, he thinks and he can feel his heart starting to beat in his chest. Weird. He thought he was used to this beating sensation by now... )
Just say what ya're feeling in your heart. ( Beating, beating, ) It's easier if ya don't think so much.
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I... did? [He hadn't quite noticed, unused to doing it as he was.] Ah- but... we were worried... for nothing... weren't we?
[Or at least that was the pretense of getting up and running out through the rain. They both knew it was actually because Mutsu was restless and wanted an excuse.]
Ah- how?
no subject
I dunno... ya feel good, right? Good enough to wanna laugh? So try to feel like that again.
( Because that's how feelings work. )
What makes ya so happy ya can't be quiet? Like running in the rain! Checking on the gardens! Knowing everything's all good!
( Like all of the above and still holding hands. )
no subject
[But that was a spontaneous feeling, one that left with the sound and was unlikely to return just like that. He didn't doubt Mutsu could summon up that sort of happiness from inside himself, but Souza?
If only he could.]
I... don't know... It was all just...
[Everything, all at once, the silly, pointlessness of it all, the excitement on Mutsu's face, being soaked through, unrefined, with muddy feet and ankles and yukata hems. Still holding hands in the pouring rain.
It's not something he can just summon up.
At least he resists the impulse to apologize for it.]
no subject
He was but.. He didn't know... it was just...
Gods, he wishes Souza would stop that, he thinks and he can feel his heart starting to beat in his chest. Weird. He thought he was used to this beating sensation by now... )
Just say what ya're feeling in your heart. ( Beating, beating, ) It's easier if ya don't think so much.
You can do it.